White Trash Gertrude | Idiocracy.Me

White Trash GertrudeExcerpt From: Frank B. Thompson III. “WTF? This is a Liberal Utopia!”


Preceded the shoveling action into her mouth…quickly accompanied by the ripping note of something, under pressure, escaping from the other end of her rather rotund body…


…And now the munching noise of that handful of corn chips being pulverized by her half-dozen, remaining molars filled the surroundings.


“It took less that ten-seconds for the petite, five-foot, two-inch, two-hundred, something pound, sumo-wrestler-appearing, white-trash woman to complete her undertaking. Now Miss Gertrude needed something to wet her whistle.

Lifting the two-liter, plastic bottle to her lips, Gertrude took no notice that she unwittingly uncorked the thing that prevented the full extent of her flatulence to escape, which now, like an invisible fog, went everywhere. She, of course, was quite familiar with the whole affair and was much too engrossed watching the ‘Jerry’s Bastard Junior Show’ to give that minor detail notice. What might have killed a cat, or small rodent, however, did get noticed by her live-in boyfriend, a much younger, thirty-year-old, white brother whose job as a janitor abruptly ended when he was found passed out one too many times in one of the closets of the nearby elementary school-kids prison.

Goddamn it, Gertrude [Goddadburn it, bitch]! You’re peeling the paint off the walls [Yo’re peelin’ th’ sheet off th’ walls]. Do you always have to let cut those nasty things indoors [Do yo’ allus hafta let lop them nasty thin’s indores]?

Yes, Gertrude was your typical, white-trash mom living in a trailer park and perfectly within her rights…she was, after all, the breadwinner and an example of a modern, feminist homemaker.

In 2050, over three-quarters of American women were supported in some way, shape, manner, or form by the ‘new man’ of the house…Uncle Sam. This far out, killer affair between low-income, unrefined women and the government began a little over half-a-century ago when the Democrat Party instituted policies and programs that “unintentionally” increased the size of their voting base. I mean, we all make mistakes, but paying predominately, Democrat-voting moms to have more and more kids…out of wedlock may have appeared a bit boneheaded back then, but that was then, this is now. Now, it made perfect sense.

via White Trash Gertrude | Idiocracy.Me.

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