Synopsis

WTF? This is Utopia?The year is 2020 when Professor Felix Schwartz, your typical, garden variety, liberal college professor, steps out in front of a Mack truck and the lights go out. Thirty years pass by, all the while Schwartz remains a walking vegetable and ward of the state.

By 2050 the country has gone through some changes thanks to a dramatic shift in the makeup in the country’s populace giving liberals (referred to as assclowns, moonbats, goofnads, or asshats) control over Washington. In that thirty years the country becomes the veritable paradise moonbats have long sought to create, but more resembling a third-world, banana republic where English is replaced by twenty-five variations of gang slang, no one gets beyond third grade, rioting and something resembling football with hockey sticks are the national pastimes. There is now a “Forever President,” welfare moms have replaced small business, corn is the cornerstone of industry, and people drive around in either battery-powered, bubble cars, or Latino lowriders.

While nonthinking, Schwartz is led around on a doggie leash, has become something called a ‘pinball,’ has names ranging from Vic to Dick to Bic, and spends his day bouncing around the fenced playground of a former elementary school turned asylum for the insane.

One fine spring day the gate to the compound suddenly opens and Schwartz, along with a hundred or so inmates, unthinkingly escape. While walking aimlessly down a highway he is struck by another truck (an electric bus) and suddenly awakens from his long sleep. Groggy, after years on horse tranquilizers, his Pavlovian responses cause him to mistakingly eat some flies, he is noticed by passing motorists looking like a partially naked, homeless guy, who then sets off to find civilization.

Tommie Citizen is a Mob Traffic Controller who monitors the formation of rioters on the west coast, which happens to be where the professor is aimlessly walking. The two don’t meet, Tommie is in Waycross, Georgia, but their paths intertwine from afar.

Ms. Gertrude is a single, homemaker living off government welfare in a trailer park who is caught up in the excitement of a riot that’s formed in her neighborhood. She provides us with an example of what riots look like from ground zero.

Schwartz watches the riot Tommie Citizen spotted, the same riot Ms. Gertrude and her brood of fourteen or fifteen kids are participating in, from a distance. The rioters are gassed by FEMA crop dusters with industrial moofs that stones everyone. Tommie receives a reward for spotting the cyclonic tempest, Ms. Gertrude gets the munchies and the professor is interviewed on national television. Closing scene, Tommie watches the interview while getting stoned and wanders why the guy (the professor) is wearing a girl’s tennis outfit.

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